We were lucky—we caught the cancer early. Later, we found out just how lucky we were. The mass was very small and had not spread into the lymph nodes. At the time, our fear, uncertainty, and hope coalesced into a hard knot.

Diane has been my love for 40-some years. She’s private about her body and I worried that the news would make her more so. I asked what she needed. Of course, she was unsure. So I looked on the Internet but was disappointed by the lack of advice available to partners and spouses.

One thing her doctor said she needed was support bras without any hooks or wires, so I went to dance stores and Victoria's Secret looking for tops that would make her comfortable. The clerks at Victoria’s Secret were knowledgeable and sympathetic. I now have an Angel's Account there, and Diane kids me that my purchases were more for me than for her. Poor dear. It wasn't about me.

I went with Diane to all her doctor appointments and helped her prepare for them by listing the questions that came up during our research. Her oncologist was especially sensitive in helping her understand the odds with chemo and radiation. He was a real prince. I think that, sometimes, the doctors were more attentive and informative just because I was there. When the staff in her surgeon's office thanked me for accompanying Diane and told me that many husbands and boyfriends do not come along, I was shocked.

We did have our "face it" moments (doesn't everyone?). Quiet time touching in bed, reading and laughing about some of my poems, crying and committing to do what we needed to do—together.

Diane had some discomfort with her radiation treatment, but had a good friend with breast cancer to laugh and share with. Overall, she has recovered nicely and remains cancer free. She no longer smokes, she goes to her gym regularly, and she is more open with me and with others.

Some people say that love is measured by how you deal with life's issues. If that is true, I found reasons to love Diane more deeply due to her breast cancer. 

Jerry Moore is retired from a 20-year career in personnel and organizational development near the other coast of the US. He and his wife, Diane, stumbled onto San Luis Obispo over 10 years ago and have lived in paradise for almost 7 years. He keeps busy as a volunteer with cats, dogs, and horses, or by just being.

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