Reprinted with permission from author Cindy Papale from The Empty Cup Runneth Over.

Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer I was taking hormone replacement therapy  (HRT). The reason I began taking HRT therapy was because at the age of 34 I had to have a hysterectomy. I knew at that time taking hormonal therapy was very controversial as to whether it would cause breast cancer. However, my symptoms after having the hysterectomy were severe, hot flashes. After being on HRT for five years, I began to question whether I should go off the treatment especially since both my aunts had breast cancer, making me at risk of getting the disease. Most of the physicians I spoke with did not encourage me to stop the treatment.

Not knowing any better I continued with the HRT for approximately 12 years never dreaming I would be one of the women who would get breast cancer.

Whether HRT did contribute to my breast cancer is still unknown. Some women today are still hesitant about HRT but because it helps with the side effects from menopause they continue to use it. Since my tumor was estrogen receptor and progesterone receptor positive, I often wonder whether taking HRT all that time had anything to do with my getting breast cancer. My mother’s sister and father’s sister both had breast cancer. So, genetically I was somewhat at risk.

The day I went in for my routine mammogram is when I knew that something was wrong. I have been feeling ill for 9 months never realizing that I had a tumor that was estrogen receptor positive (meaning my tumor was stimulated by estrogen receptor status).

Since I was taking hormones I was extremely nauseous and tired throughout the day, and periodically I would get dizzy.  

After my mammogram was performed the hardest part was waiting to find out whether I had any abnormalities. I was fortunate since I had my mammogram at the same facility where I saw my breast surgeon. I had received my results the same day.

Most women who have their mammograms in a private physician’s office have to wait at least one week for the radiologist to read the report, transcribe it, and then forward it to their physician. I cannot tell you how scary it is to wait for a test result. Not just for a mammogram, but for any test result.

After receiving the diagnosis that I had breast cancer everything changed for me. I was given the diagnosis of left breast cancer on July 13, 2000. I had just celebrated my 46th birthday on July 6. My life was fine up until then. I had an excellent job at the University of Miami, and enjoyed being married for 14 years. I went through many phases after being diagnosed.

My first thought was “oh my God I am going to die”. I had no idea if the cancer had spread to any other areas of my body as I had seen in so many other women. July 13 had certainly changed my life forever.

I started the emotional roller coaster ride that goes along with being diagnosed and having treatment for a life threatening disease.  It’s a major, life decision one makes.

I thought to my self that surviving is one thing, thriving is another.  As part of my recovery, I focused most of my time at work and being with my husband rather than being depressed about something that I could not control.

I had breast cancer and knew that I had to deal with it. I had to take a deep breath, exhale, and realize that I was going to lose my breast in order to stay alive.

Two weeks later, after my surgery, I returned back to work at the University of Miami Psychological Services Center. I loved being around all the students. The support from them and all of my colleagues was overwhelming. I received cards and flowers from people I hardly knew.

They say that sometimes when you are diagnosed with breast cancer, or any cancer for that matter, some people including their spouses tend to withdraw from you. Not in my case. Actually, it was the opposite. My husband and friends were very supportive during this traumatic time for me. The only thing is that my family was not there as much as I would have liked them to be. I was sent a mass card, but would rather have had them visit instead.

When I came home from the hospital the first thing my husband said was that he loved me whether I had any breasts, and that he did not marry me because of my breasts. I was overwhelmed by his comment and went into my bedroom and cried.

In the recovery room after my surgery was a very difficult time for me as well. When I awoke from the anesthesia I noticed that I was hooked up to many machines. One was a morphine pump for pain, which by the way works fantastic, an I.V. with antibiotics, and the other was a blood pressure cuff around my legs for stimulation.

Because the I.V. was dripping fluids in rather quickly I had to keep getting up to go to the bathroom with assistance from the nursing staff. Each time I got up I had to squeeze the morphine pump because the pain was so bad.

After getting up four times, I came up with the idea of asking the nursing staff to slow down the IV, or if possible, shut if off. We decided to shut the IV. Big Mistake!!!!! When the I.V. had to be restarted it had clogged so badly that the nurse had to flush the fluid through my veins, which was worse than inserting the IV. That was mostly my fault because I practically begged the nursing staff to shut it off. As you can see this was not a bright idea.

After approximately two hours had gone by I just happened to look up and notice a familiar face on the stretcher in front of me. It was an employee I had known for awhile. At first I thought I was hallucinating from the morphine medication, but I called her name out and she answered. We carried on a conversation for almost 15 minutes before we realized that we were probably keeping all the other patients around us awake. 

My life certainly has changed since being told that I had breast cancer. I exercise more than ever by power walking five miles every day, and doing Pilates classes twice a week. I try to eat as healthy as I can, and I drink lots of water daily. Of course, I still sneak some cake and chocolate every now and then.

I realize that I cannot worry about the things I cannot control. Sometimes we all get so busy we just do not make the time to stop and smell the roses. However, my feeling is not to only should we all try to stop and smell the roses, but "buy them.”